Friday, October 03, 2003

Recall This

Hey to anyone from California who might be reading this. Hope you enjoy your new governor. How do I know you'll have one? No, it's not the polls, it's the machines. And no, I don't mean as in The Rise of the Machines...I mean the voting machines. With most of the votes being counted by Diebold and ES&S, you can guarantee a Republican victory. Check out this summary: linkity link . Now, as always, you must understand that just because they CAN fix the vote, doesn't mean they will. Private enterprise is INHERENTLY MORE EFFICIENT than the government, so the voting machines must be owned by private companies. They are so much more efficient that the software in these machines is SECRET, so as not to cause a government collapse in the face of such incredible efficiency. In fact, the last government official who took a sneak peek at the software running these machines was MYSTERIOUSLY TURNED TO STONE!!! It's true!!!

Also, it is REALLY HARD to program a machine to count how many times someone pushes a button for one person or another, requiring at least a MIDDLE SCHOOL EDUCATION.
But don't worry, no one could actually fix the vote count, because that requires a rare program called MICROSOFT ACCESS. Only THREE PEOPLE in the country have this program, so your votes are safe.

Who says that politicians aren't honest, by the way, speaking of Governor Arnold? He was bold enough all the way back in the 70's to admit that his role model was Adolph Hitler. Most people would NEVER ADMIT that in this age of RAMPANT POLITICAL CORRECTNESS. You go, boy. Nothing wrong with an Aryan Ubermensch from Austria who admires Hitler taking over the biggest state in the country in an election that in no way depends on a majority of voters selecting him.

Maybe you are catching on to the theme of today's missive. If not, let me spell it out. However, so as not to arouse suspicion from the authorities, I must do it in code. I hope you have the decoder rings I sent out:

Ouryay otevay oesn'tday eanmay ackjay.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.


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