Monday, August 16, 2004

Shout Out to Chavez

A shout out to my man Hugo Chavez of Venezuela who has survived the recall vote fairly comfortably. This, of course, is the same man who came BACK into power only 24 hours after being ousted by a coup backed by the U.S.

Chavez has figured out a very well kept secret in politics, in countries where the poor are the vast majority, if you side with the poor, you can win elections. This, of course, is only true if you work to build a powerful, grassroots movement. The Democrats strategy in the U.S. is a little different. They mention the poor once every 4 years or so and then ignore them.

Now, all the poor people in Venezuela have gone back to their villages to prepare flowers to throw in the paths of invading U.S. troops. And they will, too. People like to be invaded and occupied. I wonder why the U.S. can never get invaded and occupied. I mean, aren't WE worth being occupied? WE have oil! WE have flowers to throw at occupying armies! We have really pretty flowers, in fact. Iraq is a desert. They probably didn't even HAVE decent flowers to throw in front of our tanks. Maybe THAT'S why they turned on the U.S. invaders...they RAN OUT OF FLOWERS!

What the hell was I talking about? Oh, Venezuela. Yes. They provide us about 15% of our oil. So, we will be trying to kill Chavez. Oh, we'll hire someone, of course. We can't ACTUALLY invade till all those troops Bush just announced he was pulling from bases in Europe and Asia get home.

Hmmm...problem. Venezuela doesn't even have pretend WMD's. I guess we'd better start laying the groundwork for the need to kill Chavez. I don't know...why don't we say that Venezuela about "destabilizing the region"? Yeah, that's good. We need more. How about "consorting with rogue states"? "Exporting revolution!" That's a good one. Americans hate exported revolutions. And, naturally, we'd better start talking about how much Chavez hates America and freedom. This is gonna be a tough sell, so you'd better get started posting on Free Republic and stuff. Oh, and keep calling Chavez "The Dictator Hugo Chavez." That will prove he hates freedom. Oh, and don't say anything about the oil. We wouldn't want people to get the wrong idea.


Post a Comment

<< Home