Saturday, January 03, 2004

Nostradamus Ain't Got Nothin' on Me!

For those visitors to this site who remain somewhat skeptical of my point of view, I've decided to initiate a little scientific test. In science, of course, the first thing you do is make a hypothesis, and then you go test it. Actually, the first thing you do is try to write a grant that makes it look like your research has some military application so you can actually get funded. THEN you do the hypothesis part. In the social sciences, it is considered rather bad form to actually experiment on the masses, unless, again, it has military purposes. So we shall refrain from actual experiments on people.

Instead, I will make a series of predictions. I'm not going to go into all of my reasoning behind these predictions, but those of you who come here and question my sanity are asked to remember these little prognostications so that when they come to pass you can come running back here right after you go running to your mama. This concludes what in scientific circles is called my "abstract." On to the predictions proper.

1. A major terrorist event will occur just in time to mess with the 2004 elections. While I hope that the actual event is not serious, it will be serious enough to go to code "red", which, for those of you keeping score at home, means martial law. But hey, vote for whoever you want....(For the record, William Safire predicts the same thing in his year-end predictions column:

"13. The "October surprise" affecting our election will be (a) the capture of bin Laden in Yemen; (b) the daring escape of Saddam; (c) a major terror attack in the U.S.; (d) finding a buried bag of anthrax in Tikrit. "

He picked "c". (you'll have to go to the NYT site to get the article...they make you register, and it's a pain in the butt, so I can't link there.))

2. In the unlikely event that elections are actually held, Bush will win. You will have to pay close attention, however, as there will be so many electoral shenanigans that even the mainstream press will have to report them, with stories such as "Mysterious Reversal in Vote Tally Unlikely to Have Affected Outcome of Election Say Electoral Officials." To get a head start, as always, go to: You'll need some of this background to pick up on the way this game is played.

3. More people involved in U.S. and British foreign policy will commit suicide without leaving notes. (RIP: David Kelly and U.S. State Department worker John Kokal. If you don't know who he is, go here. This is just a news capsule...use Google to research more.)

4. Dennis Kucinich will have a major tragedy or event in his life or campaign that will effectively bring his campaign to an end. Hopefully, this will not be a Wellstone-style plane ride. I'm hoping that it is simply the sabotage of his campaign by someone placed there to discredit him. I shouldn't say the person's name, for fear of libel, but he has done a great job of screwing up some very important and very winnable lawsuits. Go here and scroll down to the part about Kucinich. That's all I'm gonna say about that. You'll have to do the research yourself if you want to figure it out.

5. We go to war with another country. Duh.

6. The draft is reinstated. This will happen after the election, as the draft is unpopular...especially if loopholes for the rich are closed. Draft Boards are currently seeking patriotic applicants.

7. The internet will suffer its worse virus attack ever...probably around election time. I'd like to say that's aimed at my readers, but..well, no. There are reputable people saying this stuff, too.

8. 911 widow Kristen Breitweiser will be offered an immense amount of money or otherwise blackmailed into SHUTTING THE HELL UP. Hopefully, the blackmail attempts won't work. Check her GO girl: scoop. ( I need to ask, at this point, why the best source of news about the U.S. is this online New Zealand publication.)

9. Bev Harrison and will continue facing hack attacks and other disruptive techniques. I hope they are all nonviolent. (can you tell I'm plugging their site?)

10. And finally, if Saddam Hussein is brought to trial in a public way and given the right to defend himself (while namedropping a few American supporters from the Reagan administration) I will run naked through the Justice Department. The man may be dead already, for all we know. They won't even give the Red Cross access to him. Somewhere, out there, is an Iraqi (or Kuwaiti) Jack Ruby just waiting for his orders. Probably one of the Chalabi goons, but who knows, they may be too busy staging statue topplings. (That's kind of an inside joke for people who actually have done a little reading about the early days of our "liberation of Iraq." If you got the Chalabi reference, give yourself 2 marks. Four marks if you understood the statue toppling bit.)

Perhaps, dear reader, you have a few of your own predictions? Let me know and I'll post them here. Meanwhile, it will be sometime before many of these come to pass, though all within the next year or so. I hope you will drop by before then, on the off chance I might be right. Oh, and one more bit of prescient advice for my wealthier readers: Drop dollars and buy Euros. Now.


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